I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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