I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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