Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
