he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
