god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
