I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
