My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
