wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
