I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
