U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
