I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
