I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
