just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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