yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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