dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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