i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize