Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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