I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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