i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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