At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
