I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
