they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
