I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
