Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
