Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
