I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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