are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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