I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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