You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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