I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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