Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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