im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
