Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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