i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
