I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
