I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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