you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
