i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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