If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
