I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
