Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
