I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
