I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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