I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
