Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize