So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
