video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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