Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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