If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
