I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
