How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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