Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
