This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
