Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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