So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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