i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drunk is not a location!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
