I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
