Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
