you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
