If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
