i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
