Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
