we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
