At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
