we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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