I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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