I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize