i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
