cat food counts as protein by the way
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
