508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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