They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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