k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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