the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
