Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
