farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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