I'm really into asian looking animals
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
