sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
