i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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