seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
