At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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