very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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