it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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