What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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