There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
