Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
