I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
