Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
