No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
