i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize