Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
