What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
