Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
